


The Demon in the Bottle

by Nelioe



Series: Crossing Paths [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Not Related, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Angst, Demons, Dwalin/Ori (mentioned) - Freeform, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Fíli, Hurt Kíli, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Insecure Kili, M/M, Possession, Self-Harm, demon hunter Fíli
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-03 18:59:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4111570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nelioe/pseuds/Nelioe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kili has no knowledge of Fili's other "job", something was bound to go wrong at some point.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

  
  
Kili felt awful after the disaster with Fili today. It was another point on the list of his incapability. He had always been insecure, although he didn’t try to show it. All the screaming in his parental home during growing up just had to fuck something up in his head. He had never felt good enough for Fili, but this day was the worst. Kili really wanted to take a step further in their relationship, but Fili had pushed him away. Telling him to go with this distant expression in his eyes, it wasn’t right. In the end the blond had left the building even before him, declaring he had something important to do. An obvious lie to spare Kili’s feelings.

By now he was sure Fili was going to break up with him. The brunet had sought advice in one of those terrible forums, where men boasted about their success with the ladies. Those people disgusted him normally, but they seemed to do something right if others wanted to be with them, right? The replies to his concern had been devastating. No one wanted to stay in a relationship if there wasn’t any sex, they told him and that he better should try to gain experience if he wanted to save his relationship. Some were even so disgusting to offer their help. Kili had deleted the account immediately, but with one thing they had a point. If he wasn’t so unexperienced it would probably be easier for Fili to be with him.

Kili was awkward if it came to socializing.  He neither had a boyfriend nor kissed before he’d met Fili, it was embarrassing to think about. But Kili tended to say the wrong things in a conversation when he was nervous and scared anyone off that might have been interested. With Fili it had been so easy, talking, getting to know each other. Fili had always been patient, made sure he was alright before he tried anything, but even his patience had to wear off at some point and Kili felt like they had finally reached it after today’s events.

_Maybe a wish can help to solve your problems?_

Kili turned his head to the little bottle on his bedside cabinet. Right, the jinn. When he wanted to leave Fili’s empty flat he’d seen the bottle in the living room. The delicate little thing had caught his eyes, gem stones worked into the golden mantel of the bottle and its strange shape had fascinated him. Yet this wasn’t a reason to steal from Fili and he still couldn’t tell why he’d just taken the object.

_It’s not stealing. You intend to give it back, so we can call it borrowing._

The voice of the jinn answered in his head. But even the reasoning of the creature couldn’t dispel the guilt that was gnawing at his insides. And somewhere, deeply hidden under the same guilt, a little part of him wondered why it didn’t bother him that a thing like a jinn existed. It should frighten him, but ere his mind was able to dwell on this thought any longer, he could hear the voice of the powerful being again echoing through his head.

_You know what my kind is good for. Just make a wish and everything will be alright. I feel that you don’t want to lose Fili. I can help you._

It wasn’t too far-fetched. If a creature like this existed it was also able to grant his wish and still he found himself chewing at his bottom lip, being two minds about the whole thing. Should he really do it? He knew he could never be the perfect partner for Fili, but he didn’t want to lose him either.

 _Come now, don’t be shy. Make a wish!_ The voice whispered enticing in his head.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

When Fili came home six hours later he was so done with all this shit. It had taken him a perceived eternity to get the bones after Dwalin had written him where to find them. The whole thing with the bottle was developing into something he really didn’t like. Dwalin so owed him for doing him such a favour. The jinn was dangerous and Fili understood why the friend of his uncle had asked for his help. The spell in the bottle was even able to charm him after some time and Thorin had given him lots of training to withstand such powers. That he still wasn’t unaffected told him how much evil the jinn had already caused.

The more wishes and victims the more powerful the jinn inside got, it was an easy to remember rule. The stories Dwalin had told him, before he’d given him the bottle had even given him the creeps. This creature could even turn the most innocent wishes into a living hell. A girl had wanted to learn how to dance, but she hadn’t specified the wish and therefore danced and danced and danced. Her feet were bloody lumps when she was finally found and only when someone restrained her ankles the spell was broken.

At least Fili had now all the things he needed to kill the demon, it was a relief. He wouldn’t feel anymore as fraught as he had the last days. He felt guilty for throwing Kili out the way he did, although he hadn’t, to be exact, since he had left the building before him, but he still felt bad.  Kili was so sweet and lovely, it just felt wrong to treat him like that. He had already planned how to make it up to him, as soon as the jinn was no more.  Fili would take him out for dinner and ensure that he felt loved and cherished.

His wonderful plans subsided, however, as he entered his flat and didn’t feel the charm of the spell. Rushing into the living room with a rapidly pounding heart he started to search for the bottle, but couldn’t detect it anywhere. No one besides a friend of his uncle had a key to his flat and there hadn’t been any evidence of a forced entry, so who had…

And in the middle of his thoughts he knew. All the warmth seemed to have left his body in a rush. Shudders rocked his frame while it became hard to breathe.

“No…” he gasped. “No… no… nononono! Kili!” With a desperate cry he bolted out of his flat.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I have weird ideas and don't know how to feel about them, like should I continue or not?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Please. Please, answer your damn phone,” he pleaded. But it only rang and rang and rang, until it went to voicemail. “Fuck!” Screaming, he tossed his mobile onto the passenger seat and dealt a heavy blow to the dashboard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm blown away by the response the story got so far, I really didn't think it would be that well received. Now I can only hope that the following chapters won't disappoint you.  
> I had like four different scenarios where the story could go after the first chapter, I choose one in the middle, not the mildest one, but also not the most extreme. Although I've updated the tags and hopefully didn't forget anything important.  
> Gosh and now I'm really nervous...

 

 

Shit. Shit. Shit shit shit shit! Fili cursed inwardly while he manoeuvred his car through the busy evening rush hour, honking aggressively every time the driver in front of him was too slow or didn’t let him overtake. When he had to stop at red again, what felt like the hundreds time, he fumbled for his mobile, dialling the last number he’d called.

“Please. Please, answer your damn phone,” he pleaded. But it only rang and rang and rang, until it went to voicemail. “Fuck!” Screaming, he tossed his mobile onto the passenger seat and dealt a heavy blow to the dashboard.

His vision blurred for a moment and he had to blink the tears away so he could drive on when the light went green. It was his fault. Rule number one: never leave a cursed artefact unattended if you don’t know who could find it. Of course Kili would take it, the charm of the bottle was far too strong. Even he had troubles to resist it after some time and he was trained to withstand such powers, Kili wasn’t and now he was in danger because he’d failed to watch out. He would never forgive himself if something happened to Kili!

Fili had always tried to keep this dark part of their world a secret from Kili. Once you knew about all these creatures they seemed to find you. Coming to this town, working here, meeting Kili and falling in love, it was a desperate attempt of leaving everything behind. Of starting a new life, but then Dwalin had called and now he was again involved in a world of demons and dark magic. More importantly, he stood at the verge of losing Kili. How long would he be able to ignore the luring of the bottle? An hour? Two? Fili had been gone for six. The chances were high that it was already too late.

Clutching the steering wheel harder didn’t help against the trembles plaguing his body. He hadn’t been this scared for a long time. The rapid pounding of his heart seemed to scream only one name with every desperate beat. He felt hot, far too hot despite not being on the road pretty long. It was winter, although a dry one, no snow had fallen so far and inside his car it had to be freezing, yet he was sweating.

“Please be alright. Please be alright,” Fili mumbled to himself like a mantra, as if phrasing it just often enough would ensure Kili’s safety in the end.

Meanwhile the speed of the traffic drove him crazy. Stop, go, stop, go. It wasn’t such a long way from his flat to Kili’s, seven kilometres at the maximum, but traffic lights and rush hour turned it into a nearly endless trip through hell. He couldn’t get the images out of his head. Saw Kili’s lifeless body, saw blood, so much blood. He thought of the young girl that had only wanted to dance. Stopping at the next red light he bent over slightly, heaving dryly. No. No that wasn’t going to happen. Kili was alive. He was alright. He had to be!

Finally reaching the building where Kili lived he parked the car directly in front of the door, not caring that he was blocking a handicapped parking spot. There was no time to spare. He got inside by telling one of the neighbours a little lie about wanting to surprise a friend through the intercom when Kili didn’t answer the frantic ringing. As soon as he was let in he ran up the stairs, taking two steps at once. Arriving on the third floor Fili didn’t bother with knocking, but fished a lock pick out of his pockets and got down to work. It was one of the useful things Thorin had taught him, exactly for situations like this, although Fili had never considered that it could ever come in handy by hopefully saving the life of his boyfriend instead of the one of an unknown person or for stealing cursed objects. He only begged inwardly that Kili hadn’t locked the door, it would make things so much harder.

The door wasn’t locked, he realised when he started to work, just shut. Unfortunately this didn’t ease his work, his hands were trembling and sweating, his heart beating so painfully in his chest that it felt as if it was beating inside of his throat while a loud rushing had covered his ears. No optimal conditions. At the same time Fili had to hope no one would decide to come by right now or it could end with getting arresting before he was even able to figure out if Kili was alright.

Fili’s vision blurred again, if he was honest he didn’t think anymore that Kili was okay. Not answering his phone was one thing, not letting him inside something completely different. Besides, Kili always locked the door when he left his flat, so he had to be at home, looking at all these facts while Fili tried to pick the lock made him nauseous with fear.

When the door bust open Fili hurried inside. A gust of cold air hit him, cooling the sweat on his body and making him shiver even more. He folded his arms in a fruitless attempt to warm himself. Why was it so cold in here?

“Kili?” He called for his boyfriend after he’d shut the door. By now his teeth were chattering. “Kili, where are you?” But only silence answered.

Wasting no time Fili marched into the living room. It was empty. Hastily he turned around, heading now for the bedroom. He froze after he’d pushed the door open. If the other parts of the flats were cold, this room was freezing. Kili was lying on the bed, lids closed. His whole body was trembling while faint whimpering noises escaped his throat between his heavy breaths. Hollow cheeks and pale skin greeted him as he studied Kili’s face more precisely and he was thin… so thin… clothes looking several dress sizes too large. It was the blood that finally dragged him out of his daze, staining Kili’s shirt and jeans.

Shit!

Rushing to Kili’s side he climbed onto the bed, reaching out for him and only stopping for a heartbeat in fear of hurting Kili, before he finally grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him forcefully. Apart from his twitching legs, that looked like Kili wanted draw them up, the brunet remained motionless.

“Kili!” Fili screamed, feeling panic rising in his chest. “Wake up! You have to wake up!” He shook him again, but it was to no avail.

What could he do? What? What? What? His mind was shutting down the longer Kili didn’t move. He knew that the curse was broken if it was physically stopped. Like with the dancing girl, as soon as her legs were restrained the hold of the demon’s spell was broken. But Fili had no idea what Kili had wished for. He was already lying here, not moving despite the shivers assaulting his frame. So there was nothing to stop here. It had to mean the sleep needed to be disturbed. It had to!

Fili tried again. Calling his name and shaking him, but it didn’t work. Seeing no other option he eventually raised his hand and slapped Kili hard in the face. Nothing.

“Kili?” He croaked hoarsely. “Shit. Shit! Kili! You have to open your eyes!” By now he was weeping bitterly, barely able to restrain the sobs that were stuck somewhere between his chest and throat. “You have to wake up! You hear me? Kili!”

Nothing worked. There was only one option left. He knew it wouldn’t help. But it was freezing in here and Kili was so thin. God, how could he become so thin? Carefully he shoved his hands under Kili’s knees and back and hoisted him into his arms. Fili sobbed, feeling the dampness of the clothes on his skin, probably caused by the blood oozing from wounds hidden by fabric. Kili was so light in his arms. It wasn’t right. None of this was! He had to bring him to a hospital before the man he loved died before his eyes.

All the time the bottle sat innocently on the bedside cabinet.

Cradling Kili to his chest he made his way down the stairs. Once lifted into the car, Fili fastened the seatbelt around Kili, whose head had sagged to the side. The blond hurried to the other side of the car, got in and manoeuvred them out of the parking space. The drive to the hospital took them more time than Fili preferred, but at least it didn’t take so long like Fili had needed to get to Kili’s flat in the first place. Perhaps because the hospital was only a few blocks away from Kili’s home.

Carrying Kili inside, he instantly cried for help ere they arrived at the reception. It didn’t take long and Kili was put on a stretcher and rolled away through the long hallways of the hospital. Fili was left in the waiting room, a nurse had given him a form to fill in. Fili was still shaking, his throat much too tight while he tried to remember Kili’s birthday. Normally this wasn’t a hard question, but right now he couldn’t even recall the easiest information. It felt like an eternity until he was done and what followed was sitting in a room with relatives of other patients.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

He couldn’t say how long he sat there, bend over and with his hands buried in his hair, telling himself that he was responsible for all of this. He bothered his head about the curse and how he could help Kili, but couldn’t come up with anything. He was at his wit’s end. So he got up, went to his car and grabbed his mobile. He and Thorin hadn’t parted on the best terms. When Fili had decided he wanted out of this mess, wanted a normal life, his uncle wasn’t quite happy about it. It had ended with their worst fight ever with Fili leaving and Thorin screaming after him that he shouldn’t come crawling back later for he wouldn’t help him. Since that day he was practically disowned.

Now however, he had no other choice but to call Thorin. He’d never seen something like this before, Thorin was far more experienced. Fili inhaled deeply before dialling the number. It went straight to voicemail. It meant only one thing, Thorin was doing a job right now and didn’t wanted to be distracted. His hopes were crushed again.

His breath hitched as he called the only person he could still think of. Thorin had been his only hope, it wasn’t even certain if Dwalin was able to help him. What would he think of him? Leaving the bottle in his living room like a fucking amateur. Kili might die and it was his entire fault! Fili sobbed just as Dwalin answered the phone.

“Yeah,” came the gruff reply.

“Dwalin,” he started, barely able to get the words out. “I messed up.”

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't know what to do," he croaked, voice rough like sandpaper. "I've never seen anything like this. He was nearly hypothermic when I brought him here. The doctors say he is malnourished and I see how thin he is, but it should be impossible. I saw him today already and he was alright." With a desperate expression Fili glanced at Dwalin again. "He was alright!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're all truly awesome! I have no words for the lovely comments this story received so far. Thank you!

 

 

Fili had pulled one of the chairs close to Kili's bed. The brunet was connected to a heart monitor, every little beeping sound music to his ears, it meant Kili was still alive, still fighting. The tube of an infusion ended in the crook of one of his arms. The blond had wanted to hold his hand, but it looked so fragile on the white sheets. He didn't dare to touch him, fearing to hurt him in the process. Hell, all of Kili looked fragile in this bed. Fili had a hard time comparing his Kili with the thin guy in front of him. Just a few hours ago everything had been fine, Kili was the smiling and energetic young man he'd always known. Now however...

And it was his fault. Fili wasn't able to shut the voice in his head up that liked to remind him of this fact. He should've hidden the bottle, should've told Dwalin no! Instead Kili was lying in a hospital bed, seeming more dead than alive. The doctor had tried to put on a brave face as he informed Fili about the coma, but he had seen it in his eyes. They didn't know what was wrong, didn't know how to help and how could they? It wasn't like Kili's condition had a natural cause. The only things they were able to do were to raise his body temperature and treating his wounds.

By now Kili was incredibly still. No sound escaped his closed lips and his muscles didn't twitch unlike the moment Fili had found him. Seeing him like this felt as if he'd already lost him. Fili's vision blurred again, there was a pressure behind his eyes and a burning sensation he couldn't get rid of, regardless how often he blinked. It was a reminder of how often he'd cried since he'd called Dwalin and asked for his help.

He hated hospitals, never had he despised those places more. They made him feel helpless. Thorin had used a good time to teach him how to be independent, how to pick locks, how to cover up his track when it was possible to get in trouble with the police otherwise and most important, how to kill demons. But what he should do in a situation like this no one ever bothered to tell him.

"Fili," hearing his name he turned his head. Dwalin stood in the entrance to Kili's room.

He seemed less gruff than the last time they had met, which didn't happen too often. Dwalin had his own way in dealing with all the shit they came across. The tall man before him had built a wall around his emotions. If you let the things you see get to you you've already lost, he liked to say. For the first time Fili noticed the truth behind these words, regretting not to have adopted this behaviour. It would've saved them from everything.

"This must be Kili, then," Dwalin assumed.

There was no power in him left to fight as he hunched his shoulders and returned his gaze to Kili.

"I don't know what to do," he croaked, voice rough like sandpaper. "I've never seen anything like this. He was nearly hypothermic when I brought him here. The doctors say he is malnourished and I see how thin he is, but it should be impossible. I saw him today already and he was alright." With a desperate expression Fili glanced at Dwalin again. "He was alright!"

The bald man took a step forward and then another and another, moving very slowly and carefully at the same time until he finally came to a stop beside Kili’s bed. A furrow was forming between his eyes as he studied the brunet’s body extensively, the unreadable expression on his features made Fili clench his fists, a desperate attempt to hide the quivering.

“What is this, Dwalin?” He dared to ask when the other sighed regretfully.

The friend of his uncle rubbed his bald head and closed his lids in defeat. It almost looked as if he had to brace himself before he was going to answer, causing Fili’s hair to stand on end with dread.

“Possession,” Dwalin answered eventually.

“What?” Fili rasped. His disbelieving gaze wandered to Kili’s gaunt looking frame. Possession, the word sounded strange. It was only a made up thing of the church. Or at least that’s what he’d thought. No. Thorin would’ve told him if something like this was possible. Dwalin had to be mistaken.

Shaking his head in denial he could hear Dwalin sigh again. “Trust me with this. I’ve seen this twice… well trice now. Losing weight, the drop of temperature, the wounds… this is a demon stealing strength, in turn it gains more power. The sleep on the other hand is a soul fighting against the intruder, but it can’t win on its own. Body and soul are a unity and if the body weakens the souls suffers.”

Fili merely blinked at first, but then his breath speed up. The blond knew he’d endangered Kili, but now he’d caused possession with his mistake? There was a demon inside Kili because of him? He felt sick. Somehow getting on his feet he stumbled to the little bathroom of the sick room, bending over the toilet to heave dryly. He was barely aware of Dwalin’s presence or the hand that held his hair while his stomach cramped painfully. The gagging only stopped after he threw up a thin film of bile.

“I’ve done this,” Fili gasped, leaning back and watching lethargically as Dwalin operated the toilet.

“Now listen, this isn’t your fault. You know how demons like those jinns are. They turn the most innocent wish around and you don’t know what Kili wanted that brought him into this mess-“

“This isn’t his fault! Don’t make it sound like he is to blame!” Fili hissed, glaring angrily at Dwalin. The unfazed way his gaze was returned raised the urge in him to lung out.

It seemed too much for Dwalin’s short temper, if Fili was in his right mind he would’ve realised how remarkable it was for someone like him to try to talk all these things through, instead of just acting. If Fili would’ve been in his right mind, he might have recognised how much Dwalin cared. As it was now the giant of a man pushed him against a wall and on reflex Fili tried to fight back. Of course this was in vain, Dwalin wasn’t only much taller than him but also stronger and far more experienced.

“Let me go!” He still screamed.

“Get hold of yourself!” Dwalin barked, the volume and edge of his voice making him cringe. “You can’t lose it right now! There is someone lying in the bed in the next room that counts on you to get him out of this mess. So stop wallowing in self-pity, there is enough time for it after we are done!”

They were both breathing hard by the time Dwalin finished his furious remark. It took time, the fear was still dazzling his mind, but eventually the fog covering his thoughts lifted and breathing and thinking became easier again. Guilt got pushed aside by determination and Fili could finally think clear again. He swallowed noisily, the terrible taste of bile far too prominent on his tongue.

“What are we going to do? Exorcism?” He managed to ask, sounding calmer than he actually was.

Dwalin stepped back, giving Fili room to rinse his mouth.

“No,” he said. “That’s an invention of the church. If he wakes up before the demon is killed it would be smarter to kill him, because he would be already dead. When the soul loses it dies. It’s like a natural balance, only one spirit can live inside a body until then the demon is still bound to something, a cursed object, bones or whatever and there it can be invoked and destroyed.”

“How long do you think Kili has?” Fili forced himself to ask.

The demon hunter turned his head slightly, his gaze wandering to the ajar door, obviously thinking of Kili in the other room.

“A few hours, give or take. A day at a max.” Fili wondered how Dwalin could know all these things. He said he’d seen it before, twice. But how come Fili had never heard about it? It seemed like Thorin hadn’t taught him everything and this scared and angered him all at once. “You got everything I wrote down for you?”

Fili nodded.

“Good. You better start immediately. In the meantime I will try to get him out of here. I know someone, a doctor to be exact, he is one of us and can treat Kili. Believe me, you don’t want him to be in a room with hospital staff when he’s going to throw up the black slime. Don’t look like that,” he added when he saw Fili’s horrified expression. “It’s like an echo of their presence. I will be thankful when he throws that stuff up, because it means the demon has left his body.”

Fili bit into the inside of his bottom lip, two minds about Dwalin’s instruction. Of course he wanted Kili safe and his suffering stopped, but he also wanted to stay by his side, making sure he was alright. He trusted Dwalin without question, yet the prospect of leaving Kili alone didn’t sat well in his chest.

“Can’t I get him out of here and you kill the demon?” He asked hopefully.

Dwalin shook his head and crushed the last bit of confidence in Fili’s heart.

“Trust me, I would if I could,” the hunter replied, looking at him with regret. “The demon gets more powerful the longer the possession lasts and until it wins. I could barely withstand the charm, otherwise I wouldn’t have called you. Thorin trained you well. You are a better hunter than I.”

Fili could hardly keep himself from snorting sarcastically. Sure and because he was such a great hunter he hadn’t known that possession was even possible. Dwalin seemed to read his mind. It was awful how well you got to know another hunter if you had done a few jobs with him. He probably could read the other just as easily, still it was annoying to be unable of keeping secrets. Fili hated the vulnerability it unleashed in him, Thorin had taught him to be ashamed of it and he just couldn’t get rid of the cruel way his uncle had sometimes treated him. Thorin wasn’t a bad person in general, Fili assumed it was connected to all the horrible stuff he’d to see in his life, yet his uncle had lost control pretty often and Fili still carried the scars of those moments in his soul.

“Possession is rare. I’m nearly as long in this business as your uncle and I’ve only seen it trice so far. Demons need a loophole to possess someone, for jinns it can be a wish. They only have to twist it a bit to fit their purpose, but there has to be some kind of permission on the part of the victims, for as you know demons long for blood and flesh and fear it at the same time.”

Averting his gaze Fili nodded. He might not like to hear these things, but he trusted Dwalin. Trusted him to know what to do. Besides, every second they stood here talking was a second Kili had to suffer unnecessarily.

“I will,” he swallowed hard. “I will set off now.”

“Good. I will get Kili out and take him to your flat and don’t forget to summon the demon, it’s still bound to the bottle and can’t truly free itself until the possession is completed. You know what will happen otherwise.”

He wanted to snap at him. Wanted to say he wasn’t an amateur, but actually he was. What he’d done to Kili proved it. And so Fili only produced an understanding sound in the back of his throat and returned to the sick room, coming to a halt at Kili's bed.

"I will save you. I promise," Fili said, kissing Kili briefly but tenderly on the forehead before he left the hospital.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Fili."  
> And the voice. The voice he loved.   
> "Kili?" He gaped at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains self-harm!

 

 

Fili had gotten the bottle from Kili's flat and drove it, along with the other utensils Dwalin had told him to find this morning, out of town. It was safer to do this far away from civilization, every now and then the screeches of dying demons could be deafening and would only attract attention if done in a flat or garage. Fili was determined to get this over with as fast as possible, not willing to give this demon more time to hurt Kili than absolutely necessary.

Arriving on a field Fili reached for the bottle and the cloth bag lying on the passenger seat and got out. Gaining distance between himself and the car he walked a while over the hard ground of the dirt road. The night was star-bright and freezing. His breath fogging before his eyes when he exhaled, Fili sped up his pace, the waxing moon illuminated his surroundings eerily. He didn't like it, feeling too exposed. It might've been three in the morning and highly improbable for people to show up, if the unforeseen occurred however, Fili would be fucked. How should he explain that he was about to kill a demon?

Better go to work. So he crouched down, emptying the bag, arranging the components and placing the bottle a few feet aside. It worried him slightly to be unable to feel the charm of the spell. Perhaps because the demon was busy with possessing Kili's body. Getting careless now was a dangerous idea, Dwalin had informed him that the demon would be a lot more powerful through sucking the strength out of Kili, after all.

Fili ground a bit of the bones into a fine powder by using a grater, afterwards he filled it into a small bowl. Tossing all the used items to the ground and paying them no mind anymore after they'd served their purpose. Fili then mixed sage, myrrh and poppy-seed in the bone dust. A few spoonful of water followed, one hunter had once tried to convince him that it had to be water from a spring, swearing it was what hurt the demons the most of all the other substances needed for such a spell. It was nonsense, Fili had even learned that a simple soda did the trick as well. Important was the blood. It was what demons longed for - since they hadn't a physical shape - and what hurt them at the same time. Fili wondered if this was the reason for demons to possess humans in the first place.

After stirring the strange smelling paste a few times Fili reached for one of his knifes at his belt, pressing the sharp edge of the blade against his forearm until blood started dripping from the cut, right into the bowl. Fili grimaced in pain, it had been a while since he done this the last time and wasn't used to the agonising throbbing anymore. At last he set a dried laurel leaf on fire and threw it into the bowl. Stirring the mixture again Fili brought another knife to light, after he'd put an improvised bandage around his injured arm. He coated the blade of the clean knife liberally with the paste.  

Now only the demon had to be summoned. Sometimes it was quite annoying to be unable to kill every demon with the same mixture, the search for the right ingredients often took so much time that one more person had to suffer from the malevolence of those creatures and in Fili's opinion one was already one too many. Leaning back the blond closed his lids, inhaling deeply as he thought of Kili. No slips were allowed, he had to do it fast and accurate. Just stabbing the object without the demon here wouldn't help, the demon might be bound to the bottle like every jinn was, but if his presence didn't rest in it when Fili destroyed it the demon would just live on in the shards and this was a lot worse. His spirit would reside in every little one of the parts, even in the splinters. At such a point it was nearly impossible to kill an evil being.

Starting to murmur the wording of the spell Fili's hand clenched the hilt of the knife harder. He stumbled over a few words more than once after not practising them for so long, on the other hand his pronunciation had always been atrocious as Thorin had liked to phrase it. Fili couldn't care less, he would never understand why Latin of all languages worked if it came to summoning demons. Fili shivered slightly in the freezing winter night.

The moment the spell took full effect a stabbing pain shot through Fili's head, causing him to cry out at the sudden sensation. The agony diminished after a few heartbeats, turning into a pounding right behind his left eye. A high buzzing spread over the environment. The demon was here and it was stronger, just like Dwalin had warned him. Raising his hand he held the knife with, he opened his lids, ready to stab the cursed object and... stopped abruptly.

A figure stood before him, despite the buzzing and the throbbing in his head making him dizzy and thereby blurring his vision, he would've recognised the person among thousands. Blinking, he hardly believed his eyes.

"Fili."

And the voice. The voice he loved.

"Kili?" He gaped at him.

How? It was unmistakably him. But not the gaunt looking man he'd seen only an hour ago lying in a hospital bed, it was the Kili he knew, slender but not skinny, a healthy complexion colouring his cheeks. His dark eyes were sparkling along with the small smile on his lips.

What?

Fili lowered the knife, staring at Kili while his head wasn't able to comprehend what it was seeing. Taking a step back when the world swayed suddenly he feared to lose his balance any second. A hand, however, prevented it from happening.

"Easy now," Kili soothed, supporting him.

Something wasn't right, he just couldn't say what exactly at the moment. His mind seemed to shut down again, taking the burden of thinking and leaving him without control. All the while he felt crushed by the power of the charm. Shaking his head Fili fought for new clarity, instead it only worsened the pain behind his brow until he had to grind his teeth.

"Put the knife down, Fili." Kili pled, gently taking hold of his wrist.

"What knife?" Fili wondered, feeling like he was missing something he shouldn’t forget. God, when had breathing become this hard?

Fili bend over with a moan, hands pressed to his thighs to keep himself upright. His fast and fitful breaths turned his stomach. He groaned as he felt the sudden pressure of a hand on the nape of his neck tenderly stroking the tense muscles there. Kili's voice whispering soothing words into his ear Fili couldn't quite comprehend. The stroking, the pain, the nausea, it all made him wish to just lay down and sleep. But he mustn't, it was winter and cold and he was here because... because... Why was he here?

Fili tried to grasp for the information that was now hiding somewhere in his head, but it was like swimming against a raging current and he was pushed around, collided painfully with rocks and tiring fast, soon he didn't understand anymore why he'd even started to fight.

He allowed the hilt of the knife to slip from his sluggish fingers.

_That's it, Fili. Let go. Just sleep. I'm here. Stop fighting and come to me. I know you want it_ , Kili's voice whispered in his head.

That was strange, Fili thought. There were the gentle touches on his wrist and the nape of his neck, the warm pressure of Kili's cheek against his, his mouth had to be near his ear, he'd even heard him say a few calming words, but now there was nothing. No words and no breathing... as if he heard the voice in his mind. Wait... he had heard it in his mind!

_Stop fighting, Fee. Just let go. Sleep. Stop fighting. Sleep. Let go. Letgostopfightingsleep, let go, let go, let got, letgoletgoletgo!_

With a scream he tore himself away from the presence, pushing the solid body back in the process. It was a demon... _the demon_! Kili! This was all about saving Kili!

As soon as the thought crossed his mind the whispering returned into his head, echoing there until he was unable to understand his own thinking. His fingers fumbled for another knife at his belt - he was always carrying at least three of them as a precaution - and finally caught a hold of it. Without thinking twice he buried the blade deep in his leg.

The agony let him forget how to breathe for some heartbeats, fire consuming his thigh and spreading through his whole body until he feared it was going to devour him. However, it did what Fili intended, his head was clear again. Grunting through the pain he tried to blink the bleariness from his eyes the pain had placed there. All the while shaking fingers reached for the prepared knife.

_Don't you dare!_ The jinn bellowed in his head. The buzzing returned to Fili's ears and the spell, ready to muddle his mind again, gathered strength once more.

But Fili gripped for the knife still embedded in his leg with his free hand, moving the blade inside his flesh. A scream tore from his lips as the pain kindled anew, placing black dots before his eyes and swaying him with dizziness. The power of the spell paled beside the agony cutting through his body.

And before the jinn could react once more, the coated knife pierced the bottle. Panting and with one eye closed by the frown of pain wrinkling his forehead, Fili watched how the jinn still holding Kili’s shape convulsed. The skin of the creature was rotting until flaking off its face while it emitted strange inhuman screeches that made Fili’s hair stay on end. If someone would’ve asked him to describe the sounds he probably was going to answer that it came close to fingernails grinding across a blackboard. If it wasn’t for the pain in his leg tormenting him the noise would’ve made him cringe.

It didn’t take long and the demon crumbled into dust, leaving only the broken bottle as a proof that the jinn ever existed. Fili’s gasping breaths sounded a bit too loud in his ears after the buzzing and roaring voice of the jinn echoing in them for so long. All of his energy had left his body, by now he was a shivering, cold mess and could barely see straight. Fili felt sweat pouring down his back and brow. Everything felt clammy, his clothes, his hair. The need to just let himself fall to the ground and sleep forever was overwhelming. Fili didn’t remember ever having felt that exhausted.

Slowly his eyes wandered to his hurt leg, the knife still embedded in his flesh. Blood had soaked a part of his jeans and it was only due to this matter that it didn’t look worse. The blade staunched the flow of blood to a great extent. Otherwise he would most likely sit here and bleed to death if he’d injured the wrong area.

He fumbled awkwardly with his belt, ripping and cursing when the pleather didn’t come free at the first try. But eventually he succeeded and wound it tight around his leg, holding the knife in place. He just had to reach his car, there he wouldn’t only find a first-aid kit but also his mobile. Hopefully Dwalin’s friend, the doc, had already arrived so that the demon hunter could come and get him. Walking would be pure agony, driving in his current state, however, was something he hoped to avoid at all costs.

He cried out at the full force of the pain as soon as he did his first step. His knees were already shaking so bad it was a miracle they even held him up. Pressing his eyes shut Fili waited for the pain to recede a bit, before he took another step in the direction of his car while nausea and dizziness washed over him.

One step at the time, Fili told himself, grunting with every breath.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, you all are such a wonderful bunch of people! Thank you so much for your lovely comments and for motivating me to keep going! <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seeing him like this, with a bit more colour on his sunken cheeks and mumbling unintelligible in his sleep, calmed him in a way he'd never thought possible.

 

 

_Failure!_

_Pathetic!_

He was alone, alone in an endless darkness, hunched up on a ground that felt far too smooth. It wasn't earth under his feet, nor wood or stone, it seemed to belong to no category he knew. A bit like himself, as the voice mocked him since an eternity. What was going on? One moment he wished to be perfect, to be special, wanting to be the man Fili deserved and in the next he was here. Cold and scared.

_I wish you were dead!_

_You ruin everything!_

Pressing his hands on his ears he tried to block out the voices sounding like so many people in his life, his friends, parents, his professors, even Fili. All of them telling him what a terrible waste of space he was, that he wasn’t needed, wasn’t wanted. He was useless and should disappear. But the cruel words were resounding inside his head.

_You are useless!_

_I don’t want you!_

There was no contact, nothing to see, nothing to feel beside the smooth ground, even his own body felt strange and then the voices. They had to stop, stop, stop. Burying the hands in his hair he tugged at it forcefully, the pain wasn’t what he hoped for, it brought him no relief from the mocking words inside his head. Rocking back and forth he mumbled hoarsely, trying to argue with the cruel speakers. However, he was too quiet and could barely raise his voice above a desperate whisper.

_Why can’t you do anything right?_

_No one misses you!_

Kili lost track of time, maybe he sat here for hours or perhaps it were already days. He just wanted to give up, felt like the next cruel word would finally shatter him, but somehow it went on, somehow he endured while he actually only wanted it to end, not caring if it would mean his death. Death sounded delightful compared to all of this.

_You are a disappointment!_

_You stupid-_

Until it stopped without warning, silence engulfing him… it was heavenly. Kili didn’t dare to trust it at first, taking a deep breath. He regretted it immediately as nausea crawled into his stomach, settling there like a lazy cat. All he could do was to roll on his side before he started to retch.

Arms were holding him in place as his body became suddenly too heavy and all of his strength left him. Light exploded as he blinked, stabbing his eyes like needles and forcing him to close his lids again while he threw up. He slowly became aware of a hand stroking his back gently; his hair was held back by what he couldn’t tell, a hand or a scrunchie, perhaps. He wasn’t able to feel the difference, only his cramping stomach and his exhausted mind were relevant at the moment.

“It’s all right. Just out with it,” someone murmured soothingly.

He didn’t recognise the voice, but opening his lids again to catch a glimpse of the person hurt his eyes again and so he had to close them again before he’d seen more than a familiar bedroom and the black slime he was vomiting. Just the sight of it intensified the nausea.

Kili threw up until the last bit of strength left him, his stomach and throat hurt and staying awake had never seemed more difficult. But he didn’t want to sleep, could still feel the darkness and feared to go back to the place he just had escaped from. He whimpered miserably.

“Shh,” the man by his side made calmingly. “Sleep, you need it.”

And without wanting to, Kili obeyed. Fili’s name being mentioned was the last thing he heard before sleep carried him off.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Fili teeth were chattering by the time the headlights of a car aimed at him. Trembling in the freezing night didn't help his injured leg and while every other part of his body felt now awfully cold his thigh seemed to burn. But he hadn't dared to take a seat inside of his car, fearing it would change the pain in his leg to something unbearable. Therefore he was still leaning against his vehicle to relieve his thigh when the engine stopped and a man heaved himself out of the car with a grunt.

The headlights stayed on as the new arrival got a bag from the car boot and walked over to where Fili was leaning. Only then did he realise that it wasn't Dwalin, his exhausted mind not grasping this fact right from the start. Instead a man appeared before him, who was probably old enough to be his grandpa. Grey hair and beard framed his by wrinkles furrowed face and part of a hearing aid peeped out by his ear.

Fili wasn't able to utter even a word of greetings for the other had already spotted the knife in his leg and scowled.

"You have all lost your mind. You and Dwalin and especially this suicidal uncle of yours."

“Who are you?” Fili wanted to know in the one moment, but was already crying out in pain in the next as the other grabbed his leg without warning, dispelling the exhaustion. “Have you lost your mind?” He snapped, pushing the prodding hands off.

“Unbelievable, I helped your mother to bring you into this world, took care of all your vaccinations while you were little and you don’t even remember my name. And now hands off! I need to treat your wound; god knows what kind of damage you caused.”

Taken aback Fili blinked, not expecting an aggrieved rant like this. “Oin,” Fili mused.

“Oh, so you do remember me,” the doctor said, not once looking up from where he was doing his work. Using scissors to cut the fabric of Fili’s jeans away Oin leaned back. In his bag he dug for a syringe and a little bottle filled with a clear liquid. He filled the syringe to a certain point and Fili finally understood what the old man was up to when he injected it into his thigh, anaesthetising the leg.

It didn’t take long, only a few minutes, until the anaesthetic started to take effect and Oin ushered him inside his car, so he could sit down while Oin set to work. Fili looked away, the tiredness had returned and he just wanted to close his eyes and sleep forever, besides he didn’t wanted to watch how Oin tended to his injured leg, it felt already strange enough that he couldn’t feel a thing there, although it was completely normal.

“Is Kili alright?” Fili asked eventually, when the knife was gone and the flow of blood staunched.

“The demon is gone and I think he ruined one of your favourite shirts if I got Dwalin right. He claimed he didn’t know where to find the cleaning rag to mop the mess up, but if you ask me he only needed a shabby excuse because he didn’t like the shirt,” Oin answered matter-of-factly, as if he gave background information to a boring documentary.

Fili almost smiled. He couldn’t care less about a shirt, as long as Kili was safe everything was okay. When Oin was done with Fili’s leg and took a look at his injured arm as well Fili was ready to fall asleep any moment. His lids were heavy, dropping every so often, causing Fili to start when his head tried to follow. Now that he couldn’t feel the pain any longer staying awake seemed like an impossible task and with the faded adrenaline his body begged for rest.

Oin helped him to his car, headlights still illuminating the dark field, after he’d bandaged his arm as well. Most of his weight leaned on the old man supporting him, but while Fili felt only a little guilty the doctor didn’t seem to mind. Fili couldn’t fight any longer; sitting down in a heated car he lost the battle, the warmth just what the exhaustion required to win.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Awaking, Fili found himself in a bed. He blinked several times; unable to right away link his current whereabouts with the car he'd fallen asleep in. The pain in his leg was what had awoken him and soon reminded him of everything that had happened in the last hours. It was then that Fili realised he wasn't alone in his bed and that it was his bed was pretty obvious when he detected the stupid old clock on his bedside cabinet, the pod looking like the Batman-symbol and Fili had wanted it since he was a little kid and Thorin refused to buy it. It was the one of the first things he'd done after parting with Thorin, found a city to live in, rent a flat and searching for the clock on ebay. To him it meant freedom in a way he couldn't quite describe and therefore he still had it, although it looked a bit ridiculous compared to the remaining furnishing of his bedroom.

But this wasn't important right now, only the person next to him was, face framed by brunet hair. Kili. Fili tried to roll himself onto his side, but the pain in his leg prevented his frantic attempt. He hissed, hands wandering automatically to the wound, only to come to a halt before they reached it. Putting pressure, whatever kind it was, on his thigh would just intensify the pain and so Fili used all of his self-control and breathed through the throbbing agony, his gaze returning to Kili.

Seeing him like this, with a bit more colour on his sunken cheeks and mumbling unintelligible in his sleep, calmed him in a way he'd never thought possible. Oin might have told him that Fili had succeeded, but hearing it from someone he'd met the last time when he was a little boy and seeing it with his own eyes had different effects. Kili seemed calm, but not eerily so. Kili was safe.

Fili's vision blurred all of a sudden, causing him to inch closer to Kili, despite the pain his leg telling him that moving it was a bad idea. He laid his palm to Kili's cheek, instantly feeling his boyfriend lean into the touch ever so slightly. Only the rustling of the sheets giving away what he intended as Fili snuggled up to him, kissing him gently on the cheek while he cried tears of relief.

"Thank you," Fili whispered into his hair. He felt choked as he recognised the strange smell of hospital that still clung to Kili's body, but somewhere beneath it laid the familiar scent Fili knew and loved and it caused him to cry harder. "Thank you for holding on," he sobbed.

For a while he just wept, holding Kili as tight as he dared without waking him up, until the pain is leg got the better of him and he laboriously crawled out of the bed, spotting crutches leaning at the bedside cabinet as if someone had known he would need them soon. Thankful, he heaved himself upright, pressing his lids shut as the pain washed over him, barely managing to keep himself from crying out.

Fili limped out of the bedroom. It was harder than he thought, since the stitched cut on his arm made it impossible to use both of the crutches. Hearing a snoring coming from the living room he peeked inside, spotting Oin sleeping on the couch. Hopefully the normal painkillers he always had at home would be enough to numb the pain at least a bit, not wanting to wake the old man up just now. Judging by the blue hue hanging in the room it was early in the morning, even if it was winter, he had only just killed the demon a few hours ago. So they all needed sleep.

In the kitchen he cursed himself for installing the wall cupboard, where he stored the painkillers and other meds, so high that he now had to stretch to reach what he was looking for. His injured leg protested, tormenting him with increasing the burning to a point where he thought it was going to consume his thigh any second. He was shaking when he finally held the pillbox in his hand, sweat gluing his cloths to his body.

Taking three pills at once with a bit of water Fili leaned against the worktop, relieving his leg. Closing his eyes Fili tried to breathe through the pain, it seemed to get harder the longer the agonising throbbing went on. He stood there, listening to his own deep breathing and waited for the painkillers to kick in. It was then a cold draught caught his attention and the faint smell of smoke hit his nose.

Fili's eyes wandered to the large glass door, which lead to the small balcony of his flat. Limping through the kitchen he opened the door wider and stepped outside, immediately spotting Dwalin on the bench, smoking a cigarette, obviously not having any cigars left. Fili shivered in the freezing air, but took a seat beside the other hunter nonetheless.

He grunted with discomfort as it strained his wound, but it got better once he stretched his leg.

"How are you feeling?" Dwalin asked, still staring at something Fili couldn't perceive.

"Great," Fili lied, nudging Dwalin to turn to him.

He examined him poignantly and Fili held his gaze until he couldn't stand it any longer, feeling terrible fragile at the moment. The last hour had confronted him with something he hadn't experienced so far. He had come so close to losing Kili and this feeling of helplessness agitated him.

Eventually Dwalin inhaled deeply, his cigarette burnt-out by now.

“I’m so very sorry, Fili. Had I known about Kili I would’ve never asked you for this kind of favour,” for the first time since Fili knew him Dwalin apologised and sounded so terribly old and tired while he did.

Fili glanced at him in disbelieve, not able to comprehend what he was hearing. Why would Dwalin even apologise?

“It’s my fault,” Fili replied, shifting uneasily, still waiting for the numbing effect of the painkillers.

But Dwalin surprised him another time by shaking his head. “No, I shouldn’t have called you. Had I known you had Kili I wouldn’t have destroyed your peaceful life.”

Fili folded his arms in a poor attempt to protect and warm himself, shoving his hands under his armpits. Everything he knew seemed to collapse around him, his experience with hunting demons and Dwalin’s sudden vulnerability, this joined by the pain his leg and the ghost of fear of losing Kili he still felt were much more than he could handle at the moment. His own arms wound around his body seemed to be the only things that kept him together.

“No, I accepted and I should’ve hidden the bottle. I was careless, that’s what has caused all this”, he tried to reason with his uncle’s old friend. Dwalin being always right and always strong was like an unwritten rule in his life and at the moment the only constant he had. If it was gone… Fili wouldn’t know how to deal with all of the shit that had happened the last hours any longer.

“No, Fili. You never deny your family and your friends anything. I’ve taken advantage of your kindness and for that I’m sorry.”

Fili took a sharp inhale of breath. The burning sensation in his leg was forgotten for the moment as Dwalin dealt a blow more painful than any physical one could ever be. The realisation sat like a hot stone in his stomach. He didn’t know what to feel. Betrayal? Hurt? Anger? It all felt wrong and right at the same time. Dwalin had used him, had known he wouldn’t say no to his request, just because he… he… what? Why had Dwalin done this? He didn’t understand.

“Why?” He croaked. Fili eyes were downcast, looking at nothing in particular.

“Painful memories, I guess,” he answered, sounding strangely breathy to Fili’s ears.

He gazed at the bald man just in time to see a hand wiping hastily over his eyes. It was then that it dawned on Fili and suddenly the whole world made sense again.

“You said you have seen this twice already,” Fili voiced his thoughts, urging Dwalin to go on and giving him a chance to explain his cruel behaviour.

It was silent for a few minutes, only the distant traffic noise disturbing the quietness of the morning.

“You remember Ori?”

The young ginger haired librarian Dwalin had dated for a while. Fili nodded.

“He knew of the other part of this world, but I think he didn’t realise it completely until the library offered one of their rooms for an exhibition one day. Under all those artefacts was also a bottle with a jinn inside and it possessed him. When I saw what happened I called your uncle instantly, he did a lot of research for this phenomenon. Thorin came and helped me to save Ori, but Ori…,” Dwalin faltered for a few heartbeats. “It was too much for him. He didn’t want to be involved in this dark part of the world and so we broke up.”

Fili let all of it sink in. He understood now, why Dwalin had used him so wantonly. It didn’t make what he did right or less painful. Quite the opposite, it was possible that he’d ruined Fili’s and Kili’s relationship with his deed. But the story explained it, he still felt the fear for Kili and the helplessness, he too wouldn’t want to be reminded of the last hours ever again. Fili did neither forgive Dwalin for this nor would he forget, but he didn’t blame him either, for the blond was sure he would’ve acted similarly had their roles been reversed.

“How come Thorin did so much research about it? And how did you know the victims died if the demon wasn’t killed in time?” Fili asked. “You said you had seen this twice, what was the first time?”

Surrendering, Dwalin closed his eyes, took a deep breath and exhaled it, white fog dissipating in the cool air.

“Frerin.”

It was one name, but it pulled the rug out from under his feet. Thorin’s brother had died because…

“It was already too late when we realised what happened. Thorin tried anything in his powers, even did an exorcism, but when the demon had left Frerin’s body the life left with it. Thorin has never been the same since that day. He’d been warm-hearted and kind once. Now there is only anger and the thirst for revenge.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay! I wanted to have this chapter out so much sooner, but I'm really struggling with writing in English right now. I feel like my vocabulary isn't good enough to write this story and thinking like this frustrates me a lot. :/  
> I will try to get the next chapter out sooner, although I can't promise I will succeed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hesitant fingers brushed his shoulder, but Kili recoiled brusquely. He couldn’t stand contact at the moment and especially not Fili, who had known all about it, while Kili had been in the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that this chapter took me so long. I was stuck, I knew where I wanted this chapter to go and what should happen, but I couldn't write it because everything sounded wrong and forced. But thanks to Lakritzwolf's help I could finally finish it!

 

 

Fili felt like he finally understood Thorin, realised what impelled him and why he was so stern, always training him to exhaustion. It must've been Thorin's strange technique to protect him. Kindness replaced by hardship after he lost his little brother in such a way. Fili had a hard time comprehending how this must had felt to Thorin. His uncle wasn't cruel or stubborn, he was broken.

"We weren't able to kill the demon after the exorcism, Thorin is still hunting it," Dwalin said, not noticing the inner turmoil Fili was fighting against.

And now the hunter threw the next spanner in his works. Had he known, had he only known... Fili would've never left, would've helped Thorin to kill the demon that had turned his life into a living hell.

But then again it also meant he would've never met Kili, never fallen in love. However, thinking back at the last hours this might've been for the better.

As soon as the thought crossed his mind he already shook his head. No, perhaps it was selfish but he loved Kili and wouldn't give him up. Fili didn't deny that he would erase their current experience was he given the choice, but never Kili. Kili was everything that symbolised a normal life for him. He could rent a flat, work in a common job, but he'd never felt truly safe, always being wary of the supernatural world around them. Kili had made him forget and laugh and smile, until he got rid of his constant fear and his mind started to concentrate on the warm feeling in his chest.

With a sigh Dwalin got up, giving him a hand so Fili didn't have to strain his injured leg.

"Try to catch a bit more sleep. I will get your car now and afterwards buy some groceries for a substantial breakfast that we all need."

Fili frowned.

"It could be evening until everyone is up and about."

But the other just shrugged. "It's never too late for breakfast."

And with this they parted, Fili getting back to bed, now that the painkillers provided some relief, watching Kili sleep beside him, until his lids were too heavy to open them again.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

When Kili woke again it was to a hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently. He blinked a few times; feeling confused while Fili's worried face towered over him.

"You had a nightmare," Fili told him, his voice so soft and soothing that all Kili wanted was to wind his arms around him and never let go again. What he wouldn't do for a bit of safety right now.

But it hadn't been a nightmare, at least not in the classical sense, but memories of the dark place and the cruel words inside. It was strange, often he had thought the things about himself, not so often since he had met Fili, but still then and again, but hearing those thoughts out loud, phrased by voices that belonged to people he knew, loved and trusted... He shuddered.

Right now he felt more vulnerable than ever before, it was a strange sensation, being on edge all the time, as if the next blow would come instantly if he wasn't careful enough. His senses were adjusted on defence and joined by exhaustion. If Fili hadn't woken him he probably would've slept for days... or at least so it felt.

"Kili? Are you with me?" Fili asked, so much concern in his tired features that it tore at Kili's heart.

But he didn't know the answer. Was he here? Was he _he_? Kili didn't feel like himself and didn't know anything anymore. All seemed strange, as if it had happened to somebody else, but he had to deal with the aftermath. He couldn't... he didn't know how. He couldn't breathe!

Sitting up his heartbeat seemed to stop for second. Shocked he stared at the trembling form of his skinny hand, taut skin stretching over sinews and bones. This couldn't be his hand! But as his eyes wandered to his wrist and to a similar skinny forearm and further up until his arm disappeared beneath the sleeve of his shirt, Kili had to accept that it was indeed his limb.

He swallowed audibly, breathing hard. Kili felt suddenly too hot in his own skin, while his heart pounded furiously.

"What-" he croaked before his voice quit its service.

Hands grasped for his skinny one, burying it between them. They looked strong and familiar and before Kili looked up he recognised them as Fili's. With wide eyes he met Fili's gaze. There was an expression of regret and guilt clinging to his face Kili had never seen before.

Fili opened his mouth to say something, but before he could utter even a syllable of it there was a knock at the door. The person on the other side didn't wait for an answer, but entered Fili's bedroom. An old man stepped inside, looking not in the slightest surprised by Fili's and his presence.

"Breakfast is ready, come on, we all need to eat something. Especially you," the last part was addressed to him.

Kili was unable to cope with the situation. He had no idea what was going on, but everybody else did. They knew him, but he didn't know them. He was on the brink of screaming when he sat at the table with Fili and two other men he'd never seen before. Their voices might sound strangely familiar, but it didn't tell him anything!

At the same time he felt strange and uncomfortable in his body; after swaying with dizziness while getting out of the bed and Fili needing to support him so he would even reach the kitchen without colliding painfully with the floor, he'd realised it weren't only his hands and arms that were so terribly skinny, but his whole body. Only the thought made him nauseous... what had happened to him?

At the kitchen table he seemed misplaced, Fili obviously knew the other two and although they had introduced themselves as Dwalin and Oin it was hard to miss that they knew something he didn't. They talked casually to each other, even though it sounded a bit off from time to time, somehow stiff maybe?

At first Kili only sat there, staring at the amount of food on the table. Eggs, bacon, sausages, toast and even pancakes. Who should eat all of this, there were four of them and Kili wasn’t even feeling particularly hungry and only picked at his food without eating. It didn’t go unnoticed.

“Please, Kili. Eat something. It doesn’t have to be much, but at least a bit. Please,” Fili asked pleadingly.

Kili wanted to be angry, he still didn’t understand anything and no one seemed like they wanted to tell him and here Fili was, requesting something as stupid like eating. He needed answers, but at the same time there was the urge to go home and forget about everything that had happened. And Kili wanted to scream, wanted to say _fuck you_ , wanted to leave this flat and never return, but there was this heart-breaking concern in Fili’s gaze and Kili hadn’t the heart to disappoint him. And so he took a bite, instantly realising how hungry he truly was.

In the end he ate a little of everything until he was full and then still ate a pancake just because he could.

After the breakfast – it didn’t really fit the name considering the position of the sun; it actually had to be early afternoon – Dwalin did the washing-up, while Oin examined Kili. Kili endured it without a word. He had noticed by now that Fili’s leg seemed to be hurt, but he hadn’t addressed it, unsure how he should. Concerned like a boyfriend or rather casually? Kili had no idea where they stood or where he wanted them to stay. A strange kind of numbness had settled inside his chest.

He sat on the couch, not moving while he stared down at his intertwined scraggy hands until Oin and Dwalin finally left and Fili and he were alone. Kili heard Fili limp into the living room, only to remain near the door. A quick glance told Kili that Fili was looking nervous before his eyes focused on his ugly fingers again.

The silence became heavy and uncomfortable. Kili wasn’t particularly good in handling awkward silence, he always felt the need to dispel it. He still did, but he had no idea what to say. A hundred questions were tumbling in his mind, but not a single one of them made sense. And they all frightened him.

It was when he heard Fili sigh and shift in the doorframe that Kili found something less challenging to focus on. “What happened to your leg?”

Fili didn’t meet his eyes. He wished he could have lied; could tell Kili about a harmless accident, but he knew that Kili needed the truth. Dwalin’s words were still ghosting around in his head, and they made his heart clench. He didn’t want to lose Kili. The thought alone was enough to make his eyes burn and his throat constrict. But Kili needed the truth; he deserved to know the truth.

Kili had to know what had happened to him, and why it had happened. And Fili would be the one to tell him. Of the bottle. Of the demon. Of the possession and his exorcism. And of Fili’s failure in keeping safe what he loved most. Of how his cowardice and stupidity, his carelessness and naiveté had almost cost Kili his life.

And then he would help him deal with the aftermath as well as he could, because that was the least he could do. And then… Fili stopped his thoughts because continuing that line of thought lead him to think about a life without Kili.

With a grunt, he pushed himself off the doorframe and limped across the room, lowering himself down beside Kili with a barely suppressed groan of pain. He held on to that pain, because it was easier than thinking about losing Kili.

“I… it was what I did as a part of… of the exorcism.” His voice broke and he closed his eyes. Looking up again and meeting Kili’s eyes was the hardest thing he had ever done in his life. “What happened to you… it was a demonic possession.”

Kili blinked slowly. Twice.

Fili stared at his hands. “Do you remember the bottle?” His voice sounded strange to his own ears. Lifeless and coarse. “There was a demon inside it, and he possessed you.”

Silence. Deafening, painful silence.

“That’s ridiculous,” was what Kili blurted out eventually. “You’re nuts, you and those other two. You have completely lost your mind.” His voice grew louder and louder with each word leaving his lips, while Fíli’s features turned into a sad apologising mask.

But this couldn’t be true! Demons, ghosts… they only existed in scary stories and horror movies. There weren’t monsters under the beds or in wardrobes, nothing like possession and other supernatural stuff, because come on, the world had to know about it if it was true. Kili ignored the flashes of memories in his mind containing the strange voice luring him into making a wish. If Fili took this knowledge from him Kili would lose all his safety. When doors suddenly wouldn’t be enough anymore to keep the monsters outside coping with it would be impossible.

Keeping a straight face Fili endured Kili’s outburst.

“I’m telling the truth,” the blond insisted, not even raising his voice while Kili had to tense up completely to suppress a violent shudder. “How else is it possible to lose a quarter of your body weight within barely a day?”

By now not even the tension in his body was enough to prevent him from trembling. He wanted to deny it, but Fili got a point. And it wasn’t just the weight he’d lost; of course he knew that he wasn’t lying. He remembered wondering why it didn’t bother him that there was a jinn in the bottle. It had talked to him for a long time. Whispered inside his head and only after Kili had uttered his wish he found himself suddenly at this dark place. He wanted to forget and not getting dragged into a world filled with evil creatures. Fili had called what happened to him _demonic_ possession, did it mean this thing… this jinn had been inside him? Kili regretted eating so much as the thought crossed his mind. God… God… whimpering miserably he shook his head. This hadn’t happened to him. No. It hadn’t. It couldn’t!

Hesitant fingers brushed his shoulder, but Kili recoiled brusquely. He couldn’t stand contact at the moment and especially not Fili, who had known all about it, while Kili had been in the dark. The blond got the message immediately and didn’t try to comfort him again.

“How?” He managed to ask, but unable to specify his question.

“You made a wish,” his boyfriend told him quietly. There was no judgement in his voice and it wasn’t necessary, it felt like a slap nevertheless, hastening his heart with understanding.

Kili had stolen from Fili, had taken the bottle with him and listened to the jinn inside it. He had made a wish and allowed the jinn to possess him and now Fili was injured because he’d saved him.

“This is my fault,” he breathed, tears blurring his vision. What had he done?

This time when hands reached for him he didn’t push them away, but allowed them to cup his face in a gentle grasp. Thumbs stroked his cheekbones soothingly and he was forced to meet Fili’s determined gaze.

“No, it’s not your fault, it’s mine,” the blond insisted. “It’s mine, okay? I didn’t want to tell you about it, because as soon as you are aware of this world it has a habit of getting aware of you in return. And it was me, who left the bottle in the living room where everybody could see it and I shouldn’t have pushed you away the way I did when the bottle got to me,” Fili explained rapidly, fearing not to get all the words out he wanted to say or that he would forget something important otherwise.

Kili stared at him, the thumbs on his cheeks had stopped their tender movements, and swallowed hard. He’d never seen Fili scared or even distraught, but what he now saw in his eyes were all of these emotions and so intense that it tightened his throat until Kili wondered how he still managed to draw breath.

“It got to you, too?”

Fili nodded, releasing Kili’s head and leaning back.

“The thing with jinns is that the more evil they have caused the stronger they become and with him their spell. You must’ve felt it, I know you wouldn’t have taken the bottle if the demon hadn’t enchanted you. I had training to withstand it, but with every passing day it got more and more difficult. That was why I was so curt with you the other day, even with training it was hard to withstand the charm and you were completely unexperienced in that moment and the demon took advantage of it. I’m so sorry, Kili. This is my fault. I endangered you because I wasn’t careful enough.”

Kili had no idea how to reply; suddenly everything he knew didn’t matter anymore, was wrong or had completely changed. He had thought he and Fili were equals, although a little voice in his head had always tried to convince him that someone like him could never be as good as Fili, regardless of what he tried. Now, however, it weren’t symbolic inches separating them, but as if Fili lingered on a whole new level, a level Kili couldn’t reach. There was this side of him Kili hadn’t known and somehow it turned their relationship upside down. It made him question every little conversation, his mind wandering to certain occasions and wondering if Fili had been honest with him or lied to keep this dark world a secret.

Fili swallowed hard, sensing that something was amiss. Kili’s eyes were unseeing, obviously lost in thoughts. Warning himself about an unpleasant reaction was one thing, being prepared for it – really prepared, not just talking himself into believing he was – something else entirely.

“Are you alright?” It was a stupid thing to ask and Fili cursed himself silently immediately after the words had left his mouth. It couldn’t be helped now, words had many features, they were able to encourage, sooth or make others laugh, but from time to time they were like a thrown stone, smashing what was in its way when reaching its destination.

“Of course I’m not alright!” Kili snarled. Hands gripping the couch beside his thighs for support, his body shaking with, what Fili assumed, was barely suppressed anger. “It’s like you are a completely different person. It’s like I don’t even know you.”

The words hurt. More than ramming a knife into his leg, more than the fear he had been feeling while he feared for Kili’s life. It was like losing him all over again.

“I’m still me. I still love you, Kili. Nothing has changed my feelings for you.”

Kili eyed him then, really facing him this time, the distant expression had left his features, but what Fili saw instead didn’t hurt any less. He looked utterly forlorn, torn between everything they had and all those new information.

“If… if you allow me to explain,” he began, stammering nervously, “then I will tell you everything and answer all your questions.”

It felt like an eternity before Kili gave a nod, it was such a little movement that Fili would’ve missed it, hadn’t he paid close attention.

And so Fili told Kili everything. He talked about his uncle and his training. About hunting demons and saving peoples life, about how he wanted to get out of this consuming lifestyle, because he hated to be wary all the time. Hated to be unable to have normal contacts, a normal life. About how he got here, found a job and a flat, made friends and then met Kili a year ago after his car had died in the middle of nowhere and the brunet had been the only driver that was kind enough to stop and give him a lift. However, he also committed to Kili that he hadn’t known all about the dark world he’d left behind, that possession had been new even to him. And when he finally ended his story it was silent again.

It was awful, waiting for a reply to come while dreading it at the same time. The scenarios in his head ranged from the end of their relationship to understanding and forgiveness. Fili couldn’t say which one was more likely to happen.

For Kili it was hard to process what Fili just told him. Meeting a new side of Fili, joined by the horrible events of the last hours… hell… what was he supposed to say? He couldn’t even tell what he was feeling right in that moment. All of these different emotions had blended into each other so he was at a loss what was happening inside him right now. There was nothing he could respond or do with a good conscience, for it was highly probable that he changed his mind a few hours, days or even months later. He had never felt so helpless.

“Your leg?” He eventually decided to approach a more or less safe subject.

Fili’s hand came absently to a rest on the fabric of his trousers, right where the bandage was wound around his injured thigh. After painkillers and keeping it still for so long the pain was barely there anymore, only a throbbing remained that had nothing in common with the previous agony.

“I nearly lost against the spell. I did it to retain control.”

“You did this for me,” Kili uttered what he already knew.

He leaned forward, placing his elbows on his legs and pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. God, why wasn’t this easier? Why couldn’t he just appreciate what Fili had done for him? Why couldn’t he give him the answer he so obviously wanted and needed?

“It was worth it. It saved your life after all,” Fili murmured. His words intensifying the burning sensation and the pressure behind his eyes, but even his hands weren’t able to withhold the tears any longer, while his body started to shake with silent sobs.

An arm wound around his shoulders and pulled him closer to Fili and Kili leaned into the touch, shamelessly accepting the comfort the blond offered, although it was wrong, so wrong. It disgusted him. It would raise Fili’s hopes while Kili himself was still unsure if he could go on like this. It wasn’t fair to Fili. He didn’t protest however, just allowed Fili’s warmth to give him the feeling of safety he craved for, abandoning all his thoughts and winding his arms around the other’s back in return.

“Why isn’t this easier?” He wailed.

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not okay!” Kili argued, irritated by the soothing sound of Fili’s voice.

“Yes, it is.”

And that was all it took for Kili to cry harder than he ever had in his life. Fili held him the whole time, the hand on his back tenderly rubbing up and down. He cried until his eyes hurt and his throat felt too tight and it was only when he started to calm down again that he realised Fili was crying, too. He hadn’t expected it. Fili seemed always confident and strong; to sense the little tremors through their tight embrace now showed him how much Fili cared about him and it made him feel only more like a monster for still having no answer.

They didn’t let got once both of their tears had dried. It was quiet in the living room, only their breathing, the ticking of the clock and the faint buzzing of the fridge in the kitchen cut through the silence. The little bit of strength the breakfast had provided the crying fit had drained. Kili felt so exhausted and Fili’s warmth didn’t help to dispel the sleepiness.

“Kili?” Fili’s asked hesitantly.

“Mh?”

“What did you wish for?”

“To be special… to be someone you deserve,” it almost sounded ridiculous now. A little part deep inside him, buried beneath fatigue still feared what Fili would think. But the voice was far too quiet and Kili was relieved to be rid of that constant gnawing feeling for once.

“You are special,” Fili breathed into his hair. And it was true, just in being that normal, lovely young man with flaws he was perfect.

All his life as a demon hunter and under Thorin’s care had been _special_. He didn’t need any more _special_ in his life. He wanted ordinary, he wanted boring, he wanted normal. Just in being himself Kili was everything Fili wished for. Spending time with Kili meant no demons, meant happiness and laughter, joy, holding hands, kisses, tender touches, inside jokes, walks… it meant enjoying life the way it was supposed to. Kili was perfect through his imperfection, because everything else pointed towards the supernatural and he was sick of this world.

“And I will show you how special you are to me, if you allow me.”

It was time. Time to be honest. As much as he would’ve preferred to stay in the safety of their embrace, he couldn’t lie anymore and act like everything was fine. Fili had lied and look where that had gotten them.

“I don’t know if I can,” Kili confessed, hating how vulnerable he sounded.

Instantly the body in his arms tensed and he could almost hear Fili’s hastened heartbeat.

“But I want to try,” he hurriedly added, loosening his arms and leaning back to meet Fili’s eyes. They were red from crying, just like his own must look. They were a mess. “I love you, Fili.” It seemed like an eternity since he last said these words.

But it was worth to drag their meaning through this perceived lapse of time, seeing as it banished the sadness and made Fili smile with pure relief.

Kili happily accepted the kiss Fili leaned in for. It was gentler than normally and tasted like belonging interspersed by the saltiness of their shed tears. Hope blossomed in his chest. Perhaps he had come to the right decision.

Time would tell.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, leaving kudos and commenting. I wouldn't have continued the story if it hadn't been for you. I don't really know how I feel about this last chapter. It's where I wanted it to go, but I don't think I succeeded in writing it the way I wanted to. I just hope it didn't turn out too bad. 
> 
> But anyway, thank you so much for your support!  
> If there is something still a bit vague or if you would like to know something about this universe I couldn't go into detail in this story you can find me on [tumblr](http://nelioe.tumblr.com/) and ask away if you like. :)


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